Lake Weekend 2k15

Our favorite weird but fun Jewish fraternity hosted a lake weekend and I was lucky enough to be invited. We rolled up to a LEGIT children’s summer camp, equipped with a ropes course, cafeteria, basketball court, BLOB, bunk beds- now add in 100 or so obliterated and stoned college kids running around. We spent our days drinking and bouncing kids off the blob and our nights drinking and dancing under the stars.

Saturday night while partying I had my eyes set on one of the only blonde guys. I had never seen him before and I was getting the vibe that he was looking at me too. Except for a second of grinding, gross, I didn’t see him again until later. After midnight my friends and I had ventured off to the bonfire for smores (!!!!!)  and he came up to talk to me. He was decently charming but very fun. After a while of talking and me bombarding him with pointless questions he “convinced” me to go on a walk with him. I swear to god we were not but 10 steps away from the flames when he swept and swirled me into his arms to go for the make out. We made it back to his bunk and I was not having that. He literally wanted us both naked with 3 other couples asleep in the neighboring beds. His drunk friend came up and was annoying when he jumped in the bed with us but thank god had keys to a car. So I made us relocate to the car instead. That’s when it got weird…

We hopped in the backseat and jumped into it. In less than 3 minutes the windows were fogged up, we were naked, and it was so much fun. After about 20 minutes of awesome rolling around he pulled out a condom. I promptly informed him that I wasn’t going to have sex and he was stunned. Why does this keep happening?!?!? He started begging me, BEGGING ME, to have sex and this conversation took place:

“I promise it’ll be so good, like you’ll love it.” “No, really, thanks, but no.” “Please I want to so bad.” “Okay cool I really don’t want to have sex.” “Why? Is it personal or is it me?” “No no it’s a personal thing like I don’t like having sex with random people.” “Random…? I’m not random? Why am I random?”

Dude?? You are the definition of random. I’ve known your face for 4 hours and known your name for 40 minutes. Like I can’t stress this enough, he was literally upset that I said he was random. He continued:

“I’m not random. Like don’t you think we will see each other again??”

No…. He’s 23… already graduated from USC once, but is back for PT school…. isn’t even in the fraternity but just pays to go to the weekend events.  No I will not see you again???

“Well why not? You don’t want to see me again?”

No…….. this question went unanswered.

“I don’t know I just feel like we have a really good vibe or a spark or something We’re really good together- like you’re really fun.”

I assure you I’m not. What the world dude. He spent the next 5 minutes going on about our vibe and connection and that he wasn’t random. I had to ask him for his number to make him shut up. Looking back on it- I guess this was his attempt at manipulating me into thinking he wasn’t random so I would want to have sex… No it did not happen. No I did not text him even though he told me to. No I’m not going to text him. No I pray on my life I don’t run into him. No I’m not even giving this boy a fake name for this story. 

My main point of this story is when did hooking up become just sex? Like can intense but casual making out be a thing? Why is sex always expected and why do I have to explain every time my “No” in great detail? I don’t want to have sex with every guy and then look back later regretting it because the guys were so weird. Like I’m thankful I didn’t have sex with that one.

As a final conclusion, I need to stop hooking up with blond boys. My last 3 guys, not counting Chandler have been blonde and have led me astray. I need a nice, fun, brunette boy to switch things up. So send them this way for the summer 😉

EB- bye lake weekend

p.s. that photo is not be but I did make out on that path!

p.p.s. Remember Geronimo? Yeah that boy was there. It wasn’t entirely awkward. Until I found out that his date and my big are BFFs and they were texting each other, and then his date read to the entire dinner table the message, “haha oh yea I did tell her about you!! cause I saw you went with this boy she’s told me about before” Right in front of Geronimo.. just dandy.

The sizzle into summer

My somewhat satisfying sophomore year is about to end with a slow, sad, sizzle. Hard finals and hard goodbyes with not one goodbye involving a boy.

Chandler ended SO WEIRD.  We had plans to hang out on a forever ago Friday. I went over, we hung, and he barely talked and didn’t even try to make a move on me when that was what I specifically wanted.  Then, four days later, still horny, I invited him over at ONE AM to spend the night. He came over, we got into bed, and I was just laying there waiting for any kind of move. I remember thinking, “There’s no way I’m going to let us NOT hook up.” So I aggressively rolled onto him and started passionately making out with him. He got insanely hard but still did not seem into it….. I started slowing down, taking the hint, and we stopped making out. I was completely frustrated and rolled onto my side pouting. He did not make a move and we fell asleep. Like what is that. Who comes over after midnight to not hook up? The only reasonable explanation is that my bed’s more comfortable than his (which is a fact) and he wanted to sleep there… And that’s the last of him. We haven’t talked or snap chatted, and when I ran into him downtown he avoided me. My suspicion is that he has a new girl. Which is fine, hopefully he can get it up for her, I’m obviously not salty, just confused, whatever.

Stevie Wonder also ended SO WEIRD. We talked every. single. day. For about a month. About everything. And like the Chandler, he slowly sizzled away with the classic “starting conversations and then not responding.” It’s totally understandable, like the beautiful boy lives 9 hours away. But there was no real explanation or real end in fact. He randomly snapchats me but it’s not substantial so yeah.. that’s weird.

How sad is that… I only had two kinda boys… Was I even trying??? BUT the next blog involves my one last hookup. Let’s get it.

EB

March Madness of Men- part 2

The week of spring break was coming to a sad halt. I made it out with no arrests, no pregnancy, and no immensely embarrassing drunk story of me throwing up. In fact, we only had the cops called on us Saturday morning, 8 am, as we were packing up the cars to leave. We had “pushed over” a neighbor’s port-a-potty which is “vandalism” but there was no proof and we left because we were ready to get home. We ended up having the best 8-hour drive home jamming out to “Misery Business” over and over again. The friends and I stopped and played in Atlanta where we got gourmet tacos and pies to celebrate pi day (3.14).

I was an hour from home and was texting one of my roommates. One of her best guy friends from high school and his fraternity brothers were staying with us that weekend as a halfway point on their way to spring break and to go to St. Patrick’s day in our city. She sends me, “One of the friends wants to fuck you solely based on your records collection.” And that’s how this night started.

I pull up to the apartment where the roommate and a boy come and help me bring my bags up. Inside the boy immediately comes up to me to compliment me on my records collection. He told me he was amazed I had Steve Wonder, Michael Jackson’s Thriller, and Fleetwood Mac. I never ended up telling him that all my records come stolen from my mom’s collection….

I was in the middle of deciding between going to bed or hanging out with Chandler when the group of boys CONVINCED me to go downtown. Even though I was completely exhausted and it would be me and five guy, like always, I was convinced. I quickly changed, looking absolutely disgusting, and we ventured downtown.

The flirting with Stevie Wonder started instantly. He bought me drinks, stood close to me, and whispered softly in my ear. We all jumped bar to bar until we ended up at the upstairs loft of a particular dancing club. The music was perfect and I was having absolutely the best time. Stevie Wonder pulled me away at one point and we were flirting while leaning against the wall. We were deep in conversation and he accidently pulled out a pack of cigarettes. I stared down and immediately responded, “Ohhh what a deal breaker.” He replied, “Oh these aren’t mine, but deal did we have going?” To that I just simply stared back with hopefully a sexy gleam to my eyes, stole his hat, and we kept flirting.

We finally made it back to the apartment at 3 am and I went to my room still wearing his baseball hat. Stevie Wonder followed me back to my room and we chatted for about 10 seconds and then he walked out. Confused, I shrugged and starting changing to go to bed. He walked back in and standing in the doorway I slipped his hat back to his head and he slowly went in for a kiss.

It was a deep, longing, intense kiss and my whole body was instantly turned on. He threw me to my bed and we started rolling around. I was trying to hold out on not having sex with this random boy, so I told him I didn’t want to have sex. He seemed a tad annoyed but we kept hooking up and he was so so so mind-blowing at everything. I could not resist. Best hookup I’ve ever had and the sex was 1000% worth it.

We fell asleep completely satisfied and woke up the next morning to do it again. After, I dropped them off at their cars and didn’t think much of this boy and this amazing hook up. Except 4 days later Stevie Wonder texted me and we’ve basically been texting every day since….

We’ve talked about why we chose the schools we go to, what tiny details about ourselves make us weird, our favorite music (he introduced me to a good but weird and terrifying band, called Portugal. The man), and how GREAT the sex was. At point he said, “Optimistically you have something (sex) to look forward to next time we meet up”… I said, “Is there a chance of us meeting up?” and Then he said, “Maybe. I drive through (my state) a fair amount. Or maybe you’ll want to see National Champs (his college) play football sometime.”

I was very shocked but pleased. How is it I swing a suave, fun, amazing fuck buddy that lives 3 states away???? Hopefully Stevie Wonder won’t be too blind and I’ll see him later (bad pun)

-E

March Madness

Okay so I guess it’s been another month since my last entry because I suck at keeping up with this blog. But in no way has it been uneventful. So with that, get ready for the next 7 stories of my March Madness of Men

Leading off of my last post of Chandler, we hooked up that Thursday after formal and 3 days before spring break. Early Sunday morning I met my amazing high school friends and we trekked down to Destin, Florida for a week of the sun and the sand and a drink in my hand. It was Monday when I had my first encounter with a boy.

Monday morning we ventured off to the house that one of our high school guy friend was staying with all his fraternity brothers. They were having a day party outside around their pool and in about twenty minutes I killed a double bottle of barefoot while barefoot. During the dancing, splashing, and chugging I felt like this guy and I were vibbing but didn’t think anything of it. Some of it is a blur, but a smaller group and I decided we had to make a trip to the beach. So we rallied and stumbled outside. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW it happened but I found myself making out with the boy leaning against the car. We had a solid 30 second make out and then I pulled away as the beach group came outside. We turned and walked as a pair to the beach.

I realized though awkward this was probably the right time to ask his name. And of freaking course it’s the same name as my high school/college ex that I dated 3.5 years (let’s call him Chip). IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE, my immediate drunken response was, “Can I not call you Chip?” This, hands down, without a doubt, is the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever said to a guy. He responded, “No…?… cause that’s my name.” I woke up the next morning and physically face palmed myself at this realization. The worst part? He most likely told our high school guy friend that I said that… who knows Chip. I’m not concerned that he might tell Chip but dear lord get it together E.

And this is basically my only spring break story involving a guy… that is until I got home Saturday night.. so read on.

-E

“I’ve been waiting all week for this”

After formal on Saturday with Chandler I was left in a whirlwind of emotions. Because we had SUCH a great time I thought I really liked him. Yet, when formal date Chandler spent the next 3 days constantly snapchatting me I was tremendously turned off. The sad truth is I feel like I’m used to guys not showing interest after hooking up. I found myself wondering if he caught the feels, was obsessed, or was just annoying in general. I avoided replying to most of his snapchats, and I know, I know, that’s so ridiculously dumb when I was just raving about my Saturday with him. Throughout the week as he was sending less and less snapchats I came to the realization that maybe it was snapchat that was the annoyance. Had he been texting me, I probably wouldn’t have overreacted. It’s something about a person trying to have a full conversation in 10 words or less per snap that irks me.

So somehow on Thursday night we had finally begun texting. He went downtown and I went to a “10 minutes before porn” party (this is a party where you wear a certain crazy outfit you would see the couple wearing in a porno 10 minutes before the actual sex happens). I was pretty sober and at midnight I went home. Chandler kept trying to convince me to come downtown, and I went straight for the “ You can come here but I doubt I’m making it downtown,” line. So naturally he ended up at my apartment.

You would think me elaborating about the hook up would be a reasonable end to this story but I must add some unfortunate information. Flashing back to last Saturday when we were hooking up he kinda sorta couldn’t really.. I don’t know.. get it up. I overlooked this dilemma and didn’t even include it in the blog because 1. It was still fun, 2. It could have been because he was drunk, 3. I’m sexy af so I know its not because of me 4. I didn’t want to have sex with him, and 5. It wasn’t like I was dying to give him a blowjob anyway. Yet… when we were hooking up this second time I felt that he was getting sorta hard a couple of moments and then when I whispered out, “your turn” and moved south he retracted with, “Nah its your turn again…” Sooooo does that mean he has a problem??? It’s so contradictory because he showered me with compliments the whole night. Someone who says, “I’ve been waiting all week for this,” “You’re a great kisser,” and “You have perfect boobs” among other things sounds like a guy that could get stiff and want to do something, right??? As I informed all the bestfriends asking for advice I was chastised. “When a guy indulgences you countless times and then opts for nothing in return you should be grateful and ecstatic” they said. However I would rather return the favor. It doesn’t feel natural and I don’t think I can keep hooking up when it’s seriously just me that seems to enjoy it. So this is where Chandler and I are- But more than anything else I need advice on this because WIRGO- what is really going on.

-E

My own Chandler Bing

After a month of celibacy I was afraid I lost my game- but no worries, I can still pull.

My sorority’s formal was last night and I was set up with one of my friend’s best guy friend, Chandler. I went into the evening completely nervous: “Is he cute,” “Does he drink,” “Can he dance,” “Is he going to be fun,” and I can assure you the answer to all of which ended up being yes. Hard yeses. My ride pulled up to the front of the building and he gracefully emerged to open the car door for me and I was presented with a tall, lean, cleaned up boy with a gorgeous smile and a superior tux. I swear I never even considered a guy with long hair before but him standing there with perfectly gelled back hair was killer.

We arrived at the pregame and started the festivities. There was a little awkwardness at the beginning but it soon faded. The pregame was perfectly substantial with introductions, a few group photos, shots, and my personal favorite, FLIP CUP. We then proceeded to walk to the sorority house to catch the bus to the function. Chandler and I walked arm in arm the whole way.

The bus pulls up to the dazzling Art Museum. We first made our way to the upstairs to play a few rounds of Texas Hold’em (poker themed event). After losing we made our way to the massive downstairs dance floor. Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” was the first to play and it was like the gods were shinning down on me throwing me my anthem perfectly timed like that. The music was blaring and we danced for what could have been days. When the first bad song struck we snuck away to the food portion of the event to munch on meatballs, sandwiches, and lemonade that we spiked with everclear (thank god for flasks am I right?) And the night just kept getting better. Chandler and I were so close while dancing, so close while sitting and talking, and so close to hooking up.

The group of friends, Chandler, and I decided we were ready to head downtown so we departed. The plan was for the girls and their dates to head to their apartments for the girls to change out of their long formal dresses before we all met downtown. On the bus ride back Chandler and I were slumped in our seats, faces dangerously close. I don’t know who made the first move, high chance it was me, but we were instantly making out. He started biting my lip and the tables had completely turned.

We stumbled into my dark apartment, still making out. I walked to the kitchen to put all the alcohol away and as I reentered my bedroom Chandler is already standing there with his shirt off. I smirked with a, “Well aren’t you presumptuous,” and our bodies hit the bed.

We didn’t make it downtown. We spent the next 4 hours rolling around hooking up. We didn’t have sex (I stuck to the rule)- but it was successful nonetheless. Never in my life have I hooked up with someone that was so focused on me. Like I would think that I reached my limit and five seconds later we would be back to me. For 4 hours straight. Intermixed we had a full discussion on music. At one point we hooked up to my favorite Dave Matthews song (Drunken Solider, look it up) and nothing could have been more satisfying.

We woke up and started again in the morning. He was so much fun. We hung out for a little but I eventually and unfortunately had to drive him home. He thanked me about 1,000 times for such a fun night even though I should have been the one thanking him over and over again.

He plays the guitar, listens to country music, is growing out his luscious locks for a man bun, and I could not be more intrigued to all these new things. We’re still snapchatting and texting. And finally we have lose plans to sneak into our college’s football stadium in the middle of the night. Yes, Chandler, Yes.

-E

p.s. The worst thing that happened this night: Remember New-Year’s-eve-masturbating-boy? His best friend came up to me at formal, and no I had no idea who he was at first “HEY Remember me???? Oh my gosh can I get a picture with you? *Masturbating boy* would just love it if I sent him a photo of you that you’re here.” I agreed to one awkward photo and then I was trying to leave he held down the camera button snapping about 100 photos of me. I hated the whole experience and ran back into Chandler’s arms.

p.p.s. The best thing that happened: I was wearing this beautiful wrap dress with two long strands in the front so you can tie it however you like, and the best part was Chandler untying it.

p.p.p.s. Chandler is not his real name.

Fifty Shades of Fucking Bored

Well it’s officially been a month since my last blog post and what do I have to show for it? Nothing. A lot of absolutely nothing. For it being the second month of Year of Boys I feel like a complete failure and that I should give up and hibernate through the rest of this cold winter. I can offer up a few updates but this post will be about as disappointing as I feel.

Geronimo- We hooked up that wonderful Monday night, talked a little after, then the first time I saw him in person he completely avoided, ignored, denied my existence. *my alter ego crumbles to the ground* I was going to ask him to my sorority’s formal but YOU KNOW WHAT I GUESS NOT loser. (not bitter obviously)

Teddy- I really don’t know what’s up with this dude but we’ve been texting like all day everyday… okay I still love you and I still want to hook up in a car so we will see.

Formal date- Instead of asking Geronimo or my best guy friend or scrambling to think of someone to ask I just let one of my friends set me. You could say this is my first blind date. I avoided texting him for the longest time because I was afraid he was going to be crazy weird but when I finally did I realized he’s kinda awesome. Fun to talk to AND SO SO SO NICE. Not sure if he’s cute yet because he’s mysterious on instagram and snapchat but there’s definitely potential. Formal is tomorrow night… Maybe he’ll end up being the next full blog post. 😉

Tinder?- I seldom swipe through Tinder or even give guys my number over this terrible app but with one guy I did and he seems to text me every night I’m not going out, to ask if I’m going out. On 4+ occasions he’s been drunk and asked me to come over. I endlessly say no but he persists. He might be crazy.

Last one- This one doesn’t even count as a boy in my life because we’re just friends but I just had to include this interaction. We were downtown this Tuesday (weirdest night of my life) and he turned to me and said, “E, if there was ever
a time, like you called up Geronimo, and he couldn’t come over, you know I could come and save the day.” *jaw to floor* “What………..” “Yeah, like I would do that for you. You would do the same for me wouldn’t you?” ……. ?? Me and Geronimo aren’t even hooking up?? I don’t know if my mind fabricated this memory but I’m 90% sure it happened. And I still have no idea what the fuck to think.

Last last one- And on the same Tuesday (weirdest night of my life) a guy that I unfortunately hooked up with last semester would not leave me alone. He came up and started dancing on me. I quite literally stood there not acknowledging him while he kept dancing. He then gently caressed my face, tried kissing me, I would turn away, say no, turn away, and for a grand total of four times I had to say, “I’m. Just. Not. Interested.” Forth time he finally got the picture and left. ???? What the hell ????

So starting next week I’m jolting my sexy alter ego into overdrive and making moves. After reading the first two “Fifty Shades of Grey” in less than a week I owe it to myself to find a steamy, adventurous, bold face lover that 1. Exists 2. And can add a little sumthin sumthin to my life. Fingers crossed.

-E

p.s. Highly recommend 50 Shades that book was dope

p.p.s “One for the Road” by the Arctic Monkeys is currently my favorite song. I want to be as cool as it makes me feel.

“I’m gonna get this lipstick all over someone tonight”

The night started out just as any other Friday night might, which means E and I were drinking hard cider and eating pizza while a friend pre-gamed for her sorority function. Once we were alone we decided it was probably time to start getting ready, and I was excited because I had an absolutely banging outfit to wear. I had decided to wear dark wash jeans, my bad-ass purple over the knee riding boots, a white drop back halter top, and my leather jacket. Then to top it off I curled my hair and put it half back, and finished the look with some dark purple vamp lipstick, which I then proclaimed to E that I would be getting it all over someone that night. The combination of the outfit and the lipstick along with the three hard ciders and 4 shots of rum had me feeling ready to take on the world, I knew it was going to be a good night.

Our friend came to pick us up after her function and we stopped by another friend’s house for a quick hello before we headed downtown. We started at one of our usual spots, heading straight for the bar where our friends boyfriend purchased us four vodka slushies. I don’t usually get these because they are made with ever clear which = death, but hey I wasn’t going to turn down a free drink. We then proceeded to see who could finish said slushies fastest, which included a lot of brain freezes and subsequent dancing. Our friend and her boyfriend decided to go home early and E and I decided to move to a different bar. After observing the hellish lines at some of the best spots we decided on a bar that seemed less packed and usually had a pretty good crowd. As soon as we walked in we spotted Jason (name changed for anonymity) and he immediately called over to us greeting us both by name. We had met Jason earlier this year through a mutual friend and both thought he was awesome. He’s tall, cute, funny, overall a great guy in both our minds. We both talked to him for a while then went to talk to some of our other friends at the bar, but I kept find my mind drifting back to Jason, so I went to seek him out again.

I found him surrounded by a group of people, all who seemed enthralled by what he was talking about, but I decided not to let that discourage me and went ahead and breached the group. He seemed happy to see me again so I was glad that I had sought him out. At this point I was pretty drunk, E had bought us Platinums upon arriving at the bar, and somehow before I knew it, it was just me and him talking. We started to really try and get to know each other, since any of our conversations in the past had been mostly superficial. We found we had several friends in common, even that the only person he knows from home that goes to our school is my big in my sorority. I won’t bore you with the rest of the details from our conversation, partly because I don’t want to bore you and partly because I really don’t remember all of them. Anyways, at some point we started making out and before I knew it he was asking me to come home with him. Not wanting to decide quite yet, I just kissed him again and we continued to make out, right there in the bar in front of everyone. He pulled away a little while later, asking again for me to come home with him. Upon my hesitation to answer, he said that it didn’t mean that we had to have sex and that we could do whatever I wanted to do, so I consented. He went off to call a pledge to drive us home and I immediately went to seek E out.

The first thing she said to me was, “I saw you making out with Jason, it looked hot.” I just laughed and told her I was going home with him so she didn’t need to worry about me getting home. I then went to find Jason again, and he said that the pledge would be about 15 minutes so he sat down in one of the empty chairs and pulled me back in for another makeout. So once again we were making out in front of everyone, but I really didn’t even care. I was so into it and he had me so ready to get back to his place I was itching for that pledge to get there. We then decided to ditch the pledge ride that was taking forever and found the free cab service our school provides and took that back to his place.

Once we got to his place we grabbed some water (which I chugged down) and then headed for his room. I took my shoes and jacket off and he did the same. Jason is a bit of a goofy guy, a little bit lanky, and loves to make a good joke. So I was expecting this makeout to not be much different from any of the makeouts I had had in the past. But boy did he prove me wrong. He was more passionate that I had ever imagined he would be, and really all we did was makeout (maybe with no shirts on (; ). There was hair pulling, back scratching, a little bit of dirty talk, and even some nipple biting (yes nipple biting, and yes they are a little bit sore still). Jason surprised me so much with how much passion he showed, in one word, our makeout was  H O T HOT. Who knows how much later we decided to call it a night, and I fell asleep curled into his side with him tickling my back (which is like my favorite thing ever).

The only bad part about this whole encounter was when I woke up the next morning at 7:30 with the sense of dread that I was about to puke. I disentangled myself from his arms and made a beeline for the bathroom, throwing up that lovely vodka slushy from the night before. I opened to door to the bathroom and peered out, hoping he would still be asleep, but there he was looking at me, concern written all over his face. I immediately blurted out, “I’m so sorry this is so embarrassing.” He replied, “No don’t worry about it are you okay?” I replied that I was fine and he opened his arms urging me back into bed, saying it was early and that we should try and get a little more sleep. I crawled back into bed and back into his arms, once again shocked by him, being so sweet and pulling me back into his arms, and tickling my back to soothe me, after I had literally just thrown up. I fell back asleep, content. We finally woke back up around 10:30 and he offered to drive me home. Of course my car was at E’s because I had originally planned on spending the night with her. So he took me there making small talk the whole way. When we got there I thanked him for the ride and apologized again for throwing up but he seemed unfazed by it. I, of course, then went striaght up to E’s apartment to tell her all about my night and then sleep some more before going home.

Jason shocked me in more ways than one that night. He was so passionate in our hookup, but then so caring and sweet the next morning. I couldn’t have asked for a better night. Who knows if I’ll talk to him again, but in this rare occurrance, I don’t hate the idea of talking to him or seeing him around. Whether or not we hookup again, he’s a great guy and one I would love to see again (which I almost never say).

Oh, and for those of you who were wondering about the lipstick, by some miracle it didn’t end up all over either of us. He actually brought it up before we left the bar saying “Hey you don’t have lipstick on anymore is it all over me?” And as I looked him over it was nowhere to be found. Maybe we made out enough for it to go away for both of us, or it’s some seriously magical lipstick (I give it partial credit for the snagging of Jason).

And who am I…? That’s one secret I’ll never tell. You know you love me, XOXO

-J

Geronimo

For this next boy, we’re calling him Geronimo. Because it’s a goofy name, like him. And like the expression, I’m jumping from a great height, with great speed, to something that I have no idea where it’s going. Geronimo.

Last night, two friends and I found ourselves taking tequila shots and heading to our lovely downtown. I can’t stress this enough, it was completely empty. So empty, in fact, a bartender offered us a FREE fishbowl just for texting our friends telling them to come to the bars. So yeah, I shot Geronimo a text. With my initiation, and my friend sending a few messages to him from my phone inviting myself to his apartment that’s exactly where I ended up.

I stepped into his apartment, greeted with a warm hug and the unfortunate sight of his annoying roommate. It was so obvious I was there to hook up with Geronimo, yet his roommate stayed to hang out with us for over forty minutes, demanded I give him my number even after I clearly stated that I did not want him to have my number, secretly added himself on snapchat from my phone, purposely called me the wrong name the whole time, tried to get us to take shots (with me still refusing), and then finally left. His guest appearance was almost the equivalence of a cockblock, but luckily we managed.

I can’t remember what moves were made, but we found ourselves making out on the edge of his bed. Going at it. I’ve made out with him before, and something about being comfortable with him made it that much better. We ended up having sex, twice, fooling around for over 3 hours, and then spending the remainder of the early morning hours cuddling, talking, and endlessly giggling. Like this kid is actually funny, and interesting, and confident. While he was softly and sweetly rubbing my back we flew through topics. He told me his hilarious story about almost having a threesome (with a girl and his best GUY friend). He told me about how he’s partially colorblind. I told him how guys should hit on girls downtown. We connected on our deep love for How I Met Your Mother and Taylor Swift’s Red album (or Taylor Swift in general). And I fell asleep smiling.

To state the obvious: I have a crush. I have a crush on all the weird things he says and his easy-going personality. I like seeing my phone light up with a text or snapchat from him. And even if this blog post is the most that ever materializes of me and Geronimo our special 1am to 9am time together will have been enough. But maybe, you readers will be hearing about him again.

-E

J From the Block!

Tinder is such a prevalent, mysterious thing. Some think it’s creepy, some think it’s harmless and fun, some use it for hook-ups, whereas some use it to meet the love of their life. I got it about a year ago thinking, this should be entertaining, I get to be completely vain and judgmental and it’s perfectly okay. I would go on it from time to time while bored and swipe away for twenty minutes or so, maybe talk to a couple guys, then lose interest, stop replying, and leave the app to sit unused and idle on my phone for a couple more weeks. I hadn’t been on the app in what seems like forever when E told me about this blog, 40 dates in 40 nights (MUST READ, here). It’s about a girl living in LA who goes on 40 dates in 40 nights (surprise surprise), but she meets them all on Tinder! She meets some seriously awesome and interesting guys, made friends along the way, and even snagged her current boyfriend. Needless to say reading the blog prompted me to go on a nice little Tinder binge. Yesterday I matched with Jordan, 27, lured in by the adorable picture of him with a puppy. At this point I hit E with this screenshot and the caption, “DO IT FOR THE BLOG.” She of course thought this was hilarious and encouraged me to hang out with him. In keeping with the Year of Boys mantra I said “What the hell” and went for it. We planned to meet at Starbucks (after I turned down drinks). I was nervous because I don’t really go on dates all that often (ever) much less Tinder dates!

Jordan: J from the block, it’s Jordan. Change of locals. Come to *location left out for anonymity*

I was even more nervous about this; it felt weird for him to change the location especially to somewhere I had never been. Yet, he (and E) persisted.

Jordan: Starbucks is good but you are coming here. I’ll make it up to you and bring you some fancy latte later.

So, I showed up at the place he was at and to my dismay it was a bar. Yeah I go to bars all the time with my friends but these are college bars that are pretty easygoing on the fact that my fake ID is in fact fake and I am not 21. I was not going to try and use it at this real person bar. I seriously considered just turning my car around and going home but because I was already there I went in. Jordan was sitting at the end of the bar and drinking a beer when I walked up. We hugged somewhat awkwardly and said hi and went on the normal beginning conversations. Where are you from, what do you like to do, etc. About five minutes in he excused himself to go to the bathroom. I immediately pulled my phone out and started texting E, “He seems nice!”

Ten minutes later, “Wtf he’s been in the bathroom forever.” E jokingly told me he probably left, but I spied his keys on the bar, so he was clearly still there. FIFTEEN MINUTES later I was seriously about to leave, but right then he walked out. He didn’t say anything about his lengthy bathroom trip so neither did I, not wanting to embarrass him. I won’t bore you with all the details of the date but I’ll give you a couple highlights of the night.

First warning sign: “What would your sorority sisters think about you dating a 27-year-old?” “Well we’re not dating yet so..”

Next warning sign: “Yeah my ex was this crazy coke addict.”

Next: I soon found out he was on his 4th beer, and these were craft beers so they’re a little higher in alcohol content than your average Coors or PBRs. That’s when I started to notice he was actually starting to get drunk, and I was 100% sober.

Next: He got progressively more touchy and even spilled his beer (thankfully not on me).

Finally: The best/worst part of the night is when we started talking about dogs and we were talking about what kind we would get. I went with the classic lab, he went with the German Shepard. However, he then went on to explain why. “German Shepard’s are so loyal. Like if you had a German Shepard it would love you SO much. It would just be like J! I love you!” *grabs my face and I recoil in shock/terror* “Like for example if you were at a bar and some guy, Steve, was hitting on you, cause you’re like really attractive, but he also had a thing for Hannah over there, it would be okay because your German Shepard would still love you!” *face grab, still terrorized* Then he went on to ask if I could get a second dog what I would get. I said Great Dane (wasn’t going to give in to the German Shepard). “Oh my god I know this Great Dane that is seriously so big, wow now I just want to show him to you!” *he face palmed me for no reason*

At that point I was 100% ready to be done with that date, so I told him I had plans with some friends and needed to go. He prompted me to ditch them and hang out with him the rest of the night to which I easily declined. No way in hell was I spending another minute with him. I spent my time with E and another friend laughing the night away about this fail tinder date. And then, this happened: (6:43 am I must add)

In an effort to be nicer to guys in general I decided to reply instead of completely ignoring him. I also wanted to get the message across that I was not interested in seeing him again. I think/seriously hope he got it and stops contacting me. Fingers crossed!!

I hope you all have enjoyed my failed Tinder date more than I did!! And who am I…? That’s one secret I’ll never tell. You know you love me. Xoxo -J